Post the Twelfth: Conversations with My Abdomen

A conversation with my abdomen from earlier this evening:

Me - Abdomen?

Abdomen - Hey, what's up?

Me - Oh, you are there! I haven't seen you in a little while now. I was starting to get worried.

Abdomen - Yeah, uh it's been more like a long while.

Me - You're right. Why is that?

Abdomen - ...

Me - Abdomen? Why has it been so long?

Abdomen - Err...

Me - It's okay, you can tell me

Abdomen - You're kind of a lazy lump.

Me - What?

Abdomen - You're a really lazy lump.

Me - That's silly. I dance and I walk practically everywhere

Abdomen - You last danced back in November

Me - Well...

Abdomen - And you've been taking the bus everywhere since it started getting cold

Me  - That's only been going on for a little whi -

Abdomen - 2 Months. Almost 3. It's the end of January.

Me - Oh

Abdomen - And you've been eating like mad tons of craving-indulging food because of the holidays.

Me - Oh yeah...

Abdomen - And you live with the best baker in the world and therefore eat butter infused baked goods left right and centre.

Me - Okay, okay, okay. I get it.

Abdomen - You and I, we were getting along there for awhile. You were finally getting so fond of our friendship that you would even flaunt me from time to time.

Me - I'm sorry.

Abdomen - I miss you.

Me - I miss you too. Abdomen, I've been a really bad friend and I promise that I'm going to start getting you back to what you were. It's time for you to come out of hiding so I can share you in your full glory once more. Starting right now I am cutting back on eating crap and I am going to make a honest effort to get regular exercise and maybe even get back to dancing. Whaddaya say?

Abdomen - That sounds great, but uh... oh this is awkward

Me - What is it, Abdomen?

Abdomen - You're eating pudding cups for dinner.

Me - ... starting tomorrow then.