Post the Seventeenth: A Global Proposal

I wrote this as a Facebook status to Canada, but I think it's really intended for everyone.

Dear World:


Let's get our act together, shall we?


Let's not elect politicians who do not respect the country they were elected to represent.

Let's accept accountability for our destructive actions and commit to making our next actions creative ones.

Let's acknowledge, accept, and celebrate our global citizenship.

Let's remember that this world is our home. Like in every home it needs cleanliness, mutual respect, and proper communication in order to maintain stability.

Let's accept one another as a family, albeit a very large one, and treat each person with the understanding and compassion they deserve.

Let's stop mourning our losses alone and start striving for improvement together.

Let's commit to each other and to this earth. It's our responsibility as a whole, and rests not on any one person's shoulders.

Accept responsibility. Spread the word. Take action. 

The losses that we witness online, in the news, in our lives, are overwhelming. They are depressing. I think this is why we often choose to turn our cheek and alleviate our distress by pointing the finger at our politicians, by buying that chic eco-friendly dishware set, or by diving head-first into a big soothing pool of ignorance.

One day not long ago I decided to take action in my own small way and refuse to support meat production. I decided to go vegetarian and told my friends, family and co-workers of this change. When I informed them of this decision someone, and I will not name who because I do not hold them at fault for it, said that they understood and supported my choice but that they would be sticking to the idea that "Ignorance is Bliss."

Ignorance is seductive and deceptive. It's true that ignorance can calm the urge to wallow in despair when encountered with all the woes our lives and the critical state of the world. It is soothing and comforting, like a security blanket you hide under when your parents are fighting or like the Ben & Jerry's you devour after a break-up. Understandably it's a hard thing to give up. That blanket, however, does not change the fact that their is unhappiness in that marriage and the Ben & Jerry's doesn't change the fact that you are suddenly single. Likewise, ignorance does not solve the problem.

I like to take the ignorance route when it comes to finances. I hate hate hate dealing with money. I love buying new things and having grown-up things like an apartment and a phone of my own and a credit card. Then the bills arrive. And I have to pay them. And I don't make enough money to pay them all and I won't have enough money to pay them all in the foreseeable future. So sometimes, when it all just gets too scary, I take the unopened letters into my room and put them in a drawer, telling myself I will sort them all out... later. Then I walk out the door and move on to the more fun things in life. It feels soooooo gooooood. What a relief! If they're in that drawer, where I can't see them, they must not exist, right? ...right?

Wrong. The bills still exist. I still owe that money. I am still in a lot of trouble if I don't get my act together and do something about it. If I don't do something about it, and soon, things will only get worse. And worse. And worse. So eventually I cave. I open all the letters and read them. I finally take the call from my bank instead of pretending I'm not home. I listen to them, I apologize to them, I admit that I don't know what I'm doing and then I take the most important step of all: I ask them what I can do next. One step at a time I work towards paying things off, not all at once and not even a lot at once, but still something.

Here's the funny thing. The relief I felt, that blissful feeling I had when I pretended that the letters in my drawer did not exist and that I was a financially responsible and independent woman? It dwarfs in comparison to the immense joy I felt after I made a payment on my credit debt. That joy is genius. Drug companies can't manufacture euphoria that good. And it was so easy! All I had to do was look at the problem for what it was, ask for help, and commit to taking those baby steps towards a solution.

If we put slaughterhouses in a drawer and walk away it makes it a lot easier to eat that tasty tasty bacon. It's easier if it's just food and not a dead animal. Thinking of the conditions in which the pig that bacon comes from is depressing and depression makes a poor breakfast companion. But every time you buy that bacon it contributes to the problem. It says to the companies that run the slaughterhouses "I'm okay with this," even if when faced with the realities of what is happening you are not okay with it at all. That purchase gives them the green light, the shiny consumers' seal of approval. And like when those bills continue the be ignored, the problem worsens.

Likewise we gives shiny seals of approval to our governments when we choose to complain to each other about how their choices should be reprimanded and then give up on the whole thing by refusing to vote. That's putting them in the drawer. If you are unhappy with the choices being made by your government you have every right to call them out for it. After all, they are there to represent you. If you remain silent or keep your concerns to your close pool of friends how is the government even going to know that their not doing the job you elected them to do?

Okay, so after reading all that, if you're anything like me, you're probably thinking that that's a lot of responsibility. That yes, you want things to get better, but that all this is too much. It is just too much to handle and too much to deal with and how the heck are you supposed to affect change? You're only one person for frig's sake.

You're underestimating yourself. Your voice has a lot more impact than you realize, so long as you use it. It's not even hard to use. Social media has made voicing our opinions more accessible than it has ever been. If there's anything I took from the whole KONY 2012 debacle it's that spreading the word is easier than microwaving a pizza pocket.

This is all getting very preachy, so instead of continuing to type at you I would like to point you in the right direction. I'm starting a series of posts that will offer some simple steps, and I do mean simple, that you can take to help us all work towards a safer and pleasant world. I will continue to add in my own odd posts in between posts with steps for the future. For your own convenience I will label all steps-for-the-future posts "For The Future: <topic of content>".

Hope you like the series!

Post the Sixteenth: Dealing With Stress

Lately I've been feeling a little overwhelmed at work. I've been assigned a lot of big projects with tight deadlines. I like it, because it means that I am getting lots of hours and that my work days go by quickly, but sometimes it can be a little overwhelming.

Today, while I was working from home (there's a bus strike on right now), I had a moment of feeling like I just wasn't going to be able to do it. I wasn't going to have everything done on time and everyone at the office would consequently hate me just a little bit. I decided to take a break.

I had two options: Throw a temper tantrum, or make Cream Puffs.

A few years ago my sister-in-law gave me a most beauteous book: Cupcakes, Muffins & Baked Goods: A Collection of Easy & Elegant Recipes. It is one of those gem-of-a-cookbooks that has a photo for every single recipe. On page 52 is a recipe for raspberry éclairs and the picture is divine. Seriously, I wanted to eat the page right out of the book like some sort of demonic hobgoblin.

But for some reason I was scared of making them. They looked so dainty and intricate. Surely my troll hands would destroy them and surely I would be brought to tears any time I saw a pastry thereafter. So the book got tucked away in my stash of food porn so it could be ogled on occasion when foodies came over to visit.

Recently I rediscovered the book and, consequently, my love for those dreamy-looking desserts. Feeling empowered and ready to tackle something new I decided to make them. They were so easy to make and OH MY GOD WERE THEY GOOD! Choux pastry? Easy. Whipped Cream? Easy. Raspberries? Yummily easy. Lemony Frosting? Easy. Quick to assemble and even quicker to eat.

Conquering those fruity beasts filled me with a calm euphoria.

So, back to my decision. Temper Tantrum, or Cream Puffs?

The answer I came to is sitting in my fridge. Yummmm.

The next Andy Warhol, clearly.

Post the Eighth: A New Year

Wow! It is a brand new year! 2012.

Two-Thousand & Twelve!

I am happily enjoying a chewy, chocolate apricot cookie, having made no resolutions in regards to weight loss or diet. I am, in fact, happily enjoying a lot of things in my life right now, which is why I am so happy about this new year. For the first time that I can remember I am so very much at peace with who I am at the beginning of a year. That's not to say that I don't see any room for improvement (or for more sexy cat sweaters; they will always find a home with me) but I think this year I don't really need to make any resolutions to hold over myself until I forget about having made them.

However! In the spirit of the new year I would like to offer you some suggestions for resolutions that may be a little more obscure and more fun to partake in than weight loss. Here goes:

Potential Resolutions for 2012

1. Beat ChocolateAndJames' high score of 2,147,483,647 on Robot Unicorn Attack. 

2. Build the strongest fort known to mankind that can survive the End of Time, which the Mayans have predicted as being due to occur on December 21st of THIS YEAR! When you finish building it feel free to invite me to live there.

3. Prove the existence of Santa Claus. You know he exists but SOME people have been convinced otherwise by modern cynicism. Git yerself on up to the North Pole and find that jolly old elf! Be sure to bring some bribery for the reindeer. Blitzen could use some new Jimmy Choos (these ones are a safe bet).

4. "Adopt" animals at risk of extinction. The World Wildlife Fund offers symbolic adoptions of animals, which allow you to provide financial aid for the preservation various wild animals. They lists the following animals as being Extinct, Extinct in the Wild, or Critically Endangered:

• The Amur Leopard
• The Crocodile
• Darwin's Fox
• The Emerald Hummingbird
• The Gorilla
• The Mekong Dolphin
• Przewalski's Horse
• The Sea Turtle
• The Sumatran Rhino
• The Tiger
• The White-Cheeked Gibbon

Now you may think, oh, that's easy, I'll adopt an animal by sending a bit of money their way. But the real purpose for this is not to save the animals, but to collect all them nifty animal plushies. You gotta catch 'em all, and the only way of doing that is by adopting every animal on the WWF adoption list. Save up money throughout the year, perhaps by keeping a swear jar if you have a potty mouth or by skipping your morning Starbucks and opting to brew your own coffee instead. Start up a race amongst your co-workers to see who can get all of them first, and win. Do whatever you can to make sure you own ALL THE ANIMALS!

5. Build a Leprechaun Colony.

6. Build a Unicorn Colony.

7. Build a Colony of Lupricorns (Leprchaun-Unicorn half-breeds).

8. Train yourself to watch this without laughing, peeing you pants, crying, staring in awe or running from the room:

9. Gain Weight: It's winter and, if you live north or south enough in either hemisphere, things are  getting chilly! Summer's a long way off to be thinking about how you're going to fit into some old bikini you're going to want to replace anyway, so why not put on a few pounds as winter insulation? Start your day off with a nice big pot roast (if you put it in the slow-cooker before you go to bed it'll be ready for you in the morning). On your way to work pick up a big ol' buttery croissant from a local café along with a hot chocolate made with double cream. A good daily lunch might consist of an Easter ham (why wait til spring? they're delicious) or maybe a 5L tub of ice cream. Afternoon tea is a must, with Devonshire cream, scones, and breakfast sausages thrown in for good measure. Dinner = Deep-fried Turkey Dinner with lots of Gravy. Feel free to nosh on bacon throughout the day to keep you going. This method is guaranteed to help you put on a few to stay nice toasty for the rest of the season.

10. All of the Above.