Post the Eighth: A New Year

Wow! It is a brand new year! 2012.

Two-Thousand & Twelve!

I am happily enjoying a chewy, chocolate apricot cookie, having made no resolutions in regards to weight loss or diet. I am, in fact, happily enjoying a lot of things in my life right now, which is why I am so happy about this new year. For the first time that I can remember I am so very much at peace with who I am at the beginning of a year. That's not to say that I don't see any room for improvement (or for more sexy cat sweaters; they will always find a home with me) but I think this year I don't really need to make any resolutions to hold over myself until I forget about having made them.

However! In the spirit of the new year I would like to offer you some suggestions for resolutions that may be a little more obscure and more fun to partake in than weight loss. Here goes:

Potential Resolutions for 2012

1. Beat ChocolateAndJames' high score of 2,147,483,647 on Robot Unicorn Attack. 

2. Build the strongest fort known to mankind that can survive the End of Time, which the Mayans have predicted as being due to occur on December 21st of THIS YEAR! When you finish building it feel free to invite me to live there.

3. Prove the existence of Santa Claus. You know he exists but SOME people have been convinced otherwise by modern cynicism. Git yerself on up to the North Pole and find that jolly old elf! Be sure to bring some bribery for the reindeer. Blitzen could use some new Jimmy Choos (these ones are a safe bet).

4. "Adopt" animals at risk of extinction. The World Wildlife Fund offers symbolic adoptions of animals, which allow you to provide financial aid for the preservation various wild animals. They lists the following animals as being Extinct, Extinct in the Wild, or Critically Endangered:

• The Amur Leopard
• The Crocodile
• Darwin's Fox
• The Emerald Hummingbird
• The Gorilla
• The Mekong Dolphin
• Przewalski's Horse
• The Sea Turtle
• The Sumatran Rhino
• The Tiger
• The White-Cheeked Gibbon

Now you may think, oh, that's easy, I'll adopt an animal by sending a bit of money their way. But the real purpose for this is not to save the animals, but to collect all them nifty animal plushies. You gotta catch 'em all, and the only way of doing that is by adopting every animal on the WWF adoption list. Save up money throughout the year, perhaps by keeping a swear jar if you have a potty mouth or by skipping your morning Starbucks and opting to brew your own coffee instead. Start up a race amongst your co-workers to see who can get all of them first, and win. Do whatever you can to make sure you own ALL THE ANIMALS!

5. Build a Leprechaun Colony.

6. Build a Unicorn Colony.

7. Build a Colony of Lupricorns (Leprchaun-Unicorn half-breeds).

8. Train yourself to watch this without laughing, peeing you pants, crying, staring in awe or running from the room:

9. Gain Weight: It's winter and, if you live north or south enough in either hemisphere, things are  getting chilly! Summer's a long way off to be thinking about how you're going to fit into some old bikini you're going to want to replace anyway, so why not put on a few pounds as winter insulation? Start your day off with a nice big pot roast (if you put it in the slow-cooker before you go to bed it'll be ready for you in the morning). On your way to work pick up a big ol' buttery croissant from a local café along with a hot chocolate made with double cream. A good daily lunch might consist of an Easter ham (why wait til spring? they're delicious) or maybe a 5L tub of ice cream. Afternoon tea is a must, with Devonshire cream, scones, and breakfast sausages thrown in for good measure. Dinner = Deep-fried Turkey Dinner with lots of Gravy. Feel free to nosh on bacon throughout the day to keep you going. This method is guaranteed to help you put on a few to stay nice toasty for the rest of the season.

10. All of the Above.