Post the Seventh: And Live In Harmony, Harmony, Oh Love

I'm afraid I've been neglecting my beloved Odd One Blogs this past week. I wish I could say that it is because there has been so much going on in my life right now or that I've been on some magnanimous adventure in some exotic location like Bali or the elusive Bermuda Triangle. I won't say that though, because I would be lying. I've been neglecting the blog because I have become addicted to a game called Robot Unicorn Attack.

 Image from: http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/robot-unicorn-attack-hd/id394982416?mt=8

Robot Unicorn Attack. Just the name itself gives me goosebumps. Wikipedia tells me that the game was released by Spiritonin Media Games on February 4th, 2010, but I only learned of it recently when all of my friends' high scores from the Facebook app started flooding my newsfeed. That's right; it's so good it's an app (Facebook and itunes).

The premise of the game is that you are a robot unicorn (that being a unicorn that is a robot) and you are running. You are given the tools of jump (Z) and dash (X) to help you keep running and to catch stars and pixies. If you fall, hit land, or crash into a star instead of dashing through it your robot-unicorn head explodes off of your body. The longer you keep running the more points you get. You get three "wishes" (lives) to get as many points as possible for your final tally.

There is a heavy metal version of this game that features a skeletal-like robot unicorn, death metal music and a morose colour palette, but I prefer the original version. The grass is purple, your tail and mane are rainbow, and as you get further in the game pink dolphins happily swim by. The cherry on top of all this epic sugar-coated goodness is the theme song 'Always', by Erasure. If you've never heard it before or seen the magical music video you are in for a treat. Make sure to watch the video in its entirety; it only gets better and better.

 

Song 'Always' by Erasure

The chorus is particularly moving: "Always I wanna be with you and make believe with you and live in harmony, harmony, oh love!" The harmony of which he sings is so life-changing he just has to sing it twice! All the harmony!!! 

I hope you play the game (give it a few tries; it can sometimes take a little getting used to at first) and I hope it brings you every bit of euphoria that it has brought to me. The Odd One Blogs assumes no responsibility for any work that you don't get done as a result.

Post the Sixth: Sexy Cat Sweaters

It's that time of year when we break out our lights and trees and nog of eggs in celebration of what some people call Christmas and others dub the more PC term "Holidays". Over the past few years a yuletide tradition that is very dear to my heart has been spreading like wildfire, particularly in the indie/hipster scene. It is the Ugly Sweater Party.

The Ugly Sweater Party is just what it sounds like: a party at which everyone wears ugly sweaters. Some party-goers make a competition out of the event by trying to find a sweater that will out-ugly all of the sweaters in attendance; not an easy feat.

How do you decide what it is exactly that makes a sweater the ugliest of sweaters? Is it the tacky colour combinations? Is it the overuse of sequins? Perhaps it is the bizarre pairings of images on the sweater? Recently a friend of mine recalled a sweater that featured the Virgin Mary and Mrs. Claus baking cookies together, which is, of course, the true meaning of Christmas.

My favourite variety of "Ugly" Sweater is the Cat-Lady Sweater. I put 'ugly' in quotations because the extremes that Cat-Lady Sweaters reach are more than that. Some Cat-Lady Sweaters are so mind-blowingly ornate in their depictions of our feline friends that they can only be described with this word: SEXY.

I Google Image searched "sexy cat sweater" and would like to share with you my top picks from the results. Happy Holimas!

Image from: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_X8NpKEU_Dc4/TJqioL2QMiI/AAAAAAAAMdQ/vDw3xjb5B_4/s1600/il_430xN.176138484.jpg

Image from:  http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltwa2s7n0E1r4gk8oo1_500.png

 Image from: http://shitmycakesays.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/cat-christmas-sweater-for-cat-lovers.jpg

Image from: http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltnkvwFMC11r4gk8oo1_500.png 

Image from: http://www.brightgreenlaces.com/

Image from: http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltv8ggbLVI1r4gk8oo1_500.jpg

Image from: http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltyrp5hBdz1r4gk8oo1_500.png

Image from: http://laurenoutloud.com/main/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/tumblr_luzsv2elRq1r4gk8oo1_500.png

Image from: http://www.alleewillis.com/awmok/kitschenette/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Screen-shot-2011-11-13-at-1.17.39-PM.png

Now, just in case those weren't enough for you, here are a few HONOURABLE MENTIONS (these sweaters do not have any cats on them, but they are still very special):

Image from: http://www.traemcneely.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/wpid-sexy-sweaters-11.jpg

Image from: http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/photos/images/newsfeed/000/199/263/tumblr_lumbov5hu11r4gk8oo1_500.jpg?1321221837

Image from: http://ny-image3.etsy.com/il_fullxfull.115129667.jpg

Post the Fifth: Curd

Last night I decided to make some cupcakes because my fridge contained an exorbitant amount of lemon curd in it (in a cup; not just laying around on the shelves). When I bit into the first warm gooey cupcake I remembered that I don't like lemon curd. In fact, I find the aftertaste of lemon curd to be pretty repulsive. And then I got thinking about the word 'curd'.


Curd.


It is one of my least favourite words ever. Not only does the word rhyme with a synonym for fecal matter but it doesn't even have anything pleasant in its definition.


The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines 'curd' as follows:

¹curd

noun \ˈkərd\

Definition of CURD

1

: the thick casein-rich part of coagulated milk

2

: something suggesting the curd of milk 

GROSS! Curd is the thick part of the coagulated lactation of some animal or other and that is just about as foul as it gets. Curds are all chunky and gnarly and often surrounded by liquid. Yuck! In almost every scenario I can think of curds are not my friend. But I am Canadian, and so there is one exception I think of in which curds become my beloved.

Here it is:

Image found at http://www.motifake.com/109720

Isn't it beautiful? 

Poutine is a French-Canadian dish that is concocted by making a bunch of really hot fries, piling on a heap-ton of cheese curd, and slathering it all with searing hot gravy. The heat of the fries and the gravy melts the cheese curds so the whole thing is a gooey heart-clogging heaven. Some people use shredded cheese, but real poutine is made with curds. If you too hate curds maybe it's time you came for a little visit in Canada (namely Quebec) and got yourself a big ol' tasty plate of conversion.

Post the Fourth: My Dream Job

If I could have any job I just might choose this one. May the waves of nostalgia wash over you like a joyful something.

If only I knew how to fashion my hair into meatball pigtails.

Post the Third: Special Remedies

I have a unique talent that has been passed down in my family. Are you ready to read what it is? It's pretty exciting. I'm not even certain that you can handle this yet, since this is only Post the Third, but I'm taking a leap of faith. Here goes:

At any given moment I can become an 85 year-old.

Pretty nuts, huh? No, I have not figured out a method of time travel that allows me to fast-forward several decades. I'm much too blonde to figure that one out, sillies. Besides, if I ever do manage to miraculously unlock the secret to time travel I have bigger fish to fry than seeing how I'll wrinkle. Imma catch me a dinosaur! It would be my pet AND my main method of transportation. Very gas efficient.

Unfortunately my methods are much less exciting and much more painful than time travel. I turn into an 85 year-old by reaching for the air-popper on the top shelf, by jumping like a lemur, by doing a happy dance when I eat waffles covered in maple syrup, etc. I become an 85 year-old when my delicate-flower-of-a-back decides that I am to nimble no more, which is at least once a month.

"Well," you may be thinking, "why don't you just stop jumping like a lemur, odd one?" BECAUSE LEMURS DON'T GET ALL THE FUN! If Zoboomafoo can do it, so can I, and I jump like a lemur with all the energy my 20-something body can muster. Then, just like magic, the next day my back says "Oh, hey, you can't move now. You are 85." The problem with this, of course, is that once I'm 85 I don't really feel like myself anymore. So, I've come up with some remedies that help me feel like a "young adult" once more, and I am sharing with you in case you find yourself to be 85 and bedridden as well.

1) Chocolate frosting. Don't bother putting it on anything. Just eat it with a spoon. Add peanut butter to the mix and you might as well go to nutrition-free joyland. 85 year-olds don't eat frosting in bed.

2) Get all the pillows and blankets you can find, pile them on your bed, and use them to build a fort-cocoon-nest in which you can do all your healing. 85 year-olds don't nest.

3) Watch a few episodes of The PowerPuff Girls. 85 year-olds don't even register the hilarity of Mojo Jojo.

4) Put a bunch of shaving cream on you head and sculpt your hair into bizarre and outrageous shapes. Then make a Youtube video about it. 85 year-olds don't put videos on Youtube.

5) Take up knitting. Obviously.


Happy Healing friends!

Post the Second: In The Beginning

The thrill of the odd one blogging compelled me to look at inspirational images by Google Image searching "in the beginning". I found something very, very special. Here it is:

 

Image found at http://www.starrtours.com/tours/details/116/highlights

Inspiration: FOUND! Here are some questions that come to mind when viewing this glorious find:

1) How did this beautiful Caucasian couple get to the jungle?
2) What does the blonde's strapless dress look like?
3) What is the man's workout regimen?
4) Does the lion know of the tiger's undying love for him?
5) How many more seconds does the zebra have to live?
6) What are the parrot's thoughts on climate change?
7) Why is the elephant being left out?

I've taken the liberty of finding some answers. Feel free to find your own answers and post them in the comments or keep them to yourself to savour alone.

1) Paddle boat from Miami. The parrot led them the rest of the way from the shore.
2) Swan Cloud Dress in Pink from ModCloth. Though not a huge fan of the style, after reading the very first sentence in the description she couldn't resist. Could you? "Look up at the sky, is that fluffy white cloud gliding across the dusk horizon a swan?"
3) Eat a ham steak for breakfast with a wheat grass smoothie and then 800 crunches 3 times a day.
4) Yes.
5) 127.
6) The parrot has always wanted to move to Moscow to pursue its dreams of wearing a Russian hat. Climate change would make Moscow more temperate and therefore bring the parrot closer to achieving his dreams.
7) Tusks are scary.

Post the First

Hello. I am the odd one. I am not the only odd one, but am certainly an odd one nonetheless.

This is my First Post, or Post the First. Perhaps there will be a Post the Second, a Post the Third or even a Post the 800th (I hope so). Perhaps I will post posts that will make you hate me. Perhaps I will post things that you will love. Perhaps I will post things that will make you laugh or cry or share or discuss or throw things at (I hope so). Perhaps I will link things! For now I will just post this post. Once I do so it will be official that the odd one blogs. Hmmm.